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Do Opposites Attract?

My husband and I are very opposite in some areas but that is why it works so well. Let me first clarify something. We are not opposite in what we like. We like a lot of the same things and enjoy doing many of the same things together; reading, yard work and gardening, walks, bike rides, dancing, working on self-improvement and money making projects together, as well as other interests.


Where we are opposite, which really makes the relationship work well, is in our temperaments. I am the extrovert and he is the introvert. I like to talk and he is a great listener. I am the take charge person, mover and shaker, and he is a great behind the scenes support. (The wind beneath my wings)  I like being out with people and he likes being home; which helps us balance our life. With this balance he is getting out more and I am not overdoing it by being out every night.


In the past, when I would meet someone just as outgoing as me, at first I would love it because we had so much fun together. Both of us would be high energy and focused on fun, fun, fun. However, over time we turned out to be two rams bucking horns. We were too much alike; both wanting to talk, to lead, to have other people’s attention. It is very hard to have a long-term relationship with someone who is exactly like you in temperaments. Imagine two introverts at dinner – no one is talking or leading a discussion – they sit there quietly wondering what to say. This relationship will have struggles and has as much challenge as the two rams bucking.  


I am a talker and needed a good listener. I am a leader and in the public eye as an author, speaker, courtship and dating coach. Therefore, while dating, I looked for someone who believed in me, is a good listener and would be a great support. I found him and we fit so perfectly together, even after many years of life’s challenges.


There is a caution here. Occasionally two people can come together that are opposite temperaments, however they are too opposite. The quite one is extremely quiet, they can’t interact well or they don’t have opinions to share and the outgoing, take charge person is too strong or controlling. If this extreme scenario lasts it will more than likely be because the strong one has found someone they can control, leading to an unhealthy co-dependent relationship.


Look at some of the best marriages or long-term relationships you know. You will probably notice that they are made up of one who is more of a talker and take charge person and the other balances things out with reciprocating and supporting. They each have a different role that is personally fulfilling and makes it all work well.


My suggestion is if you are single and have been dating those who have the same temperament and you find it keeps ending in frustration and problems, you may want to try dating the opposite temperament. You may find they appreciate you more and have more to add to your life.


Another suggestion is to attend one of my classes on Do Your Temperaments Conflict or Compliment? You can get the dates and locations on my website under Local Events.


Christina Courting

Author, Speaker, Courtship & Dating Expert

Phone: 727-415-0464


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