Life, at least my life moves in mysterious ways! The
destination is usually never clear but some level of sheltered confidence
allows me to move forward. So into the general direction of the goal at hand I
I recently fell out of the true only loving relationship I
ever had. It lasted seven years and started like the above description. Ours was a very good and interesting
relationship. I also got to travel and live a life with her that was much about
new experiences and growth and development. Over the seven years we only lived together
for a year. That was tough for two incredibly independent people.
I say we fell out because after being apart I still do not
have a clear picture in my head of why we aren’t together. I certainly thought
we could have worked any differences out to a mutually beneficial balance. After all her kids were involved.
But life has moved on and has forced me; willingly I might
add, to find a deeper meaning to all my relationships, not just the romantic
This painful breakup has given me the opportunity to “look
deeper inside me” for some answers to past issues that seem to creep up that
cost more in heart but certainly financial.
I needed to rediscover myself…. Maybe discover myself for
the first time. Not just what people see of me, my reputation, my successes and
failures, but the real me! For me, and no one else.
With the suggestion and support from dear friends I explored
the S.O.U.L. Institute. (Systems of
Not being completely familiar I knew deep down inside a lack
of spirituality and soul were pieces missing inside me. The “peace” of freedom – mental freedom was
what I was searching. No longer defined by external influences but a deep
knowing from within. Following the ever elusive “ got to love your self
first”. Easily flows off the tongue but
somehow I never got the message.
Much of the training dealt with exploring your inner child. What
causes me to feel the way I feel? I was
very open to this, to feel from the heart and not just think from the head. I
am very good at thinking from the head and painfully deficient from feeling
from the heart. The pain however stays hidden within only to rear its’ ugly
head at the worst opportune times. Like my recent breakup.
This heart felt awakening is where my new journey
begins. JOURNEY – one mans search for
I decided to spend some time alone, getting to know my inner
child. That physical journey took me to Avon, Co and Moab, Utah to immerse
myself in nature. A little “ME” time was in order – This is alone is difficult
for me, an extreme extrovert.
Several of the tenants that guide me now are –
I know that I am a Spiritual Being not just a
I know that I am the source and creator of all
my experiences. This is the essence of Spiritual Responsibility. It guarantees
I am aware of Pure Feelings and let them flow
freely. I do not indulge feelings. I am just aware of them. (Anger, Joy,
Loneliness, Sad, Rage, Fear)
I know my feelings are only energy. Feelings are
I look under my reactions for the true feeling I
If I am judging, blaming, justifying, or
explaining, I am in reaction and not really present. I am in the past, but
I take full responsibility for my
interpretations and perception of all my experiences.
I consciously only choose thoughts, words,
feelings, behaviors and actions that support my highest good.
This may look simple or difficult – that’s a matter of
opinion but I can certainly feel a difference within me on my journey to
see photos is photo area.